Enhance What's In Your Pants!

While shopping in Bloomingdale's and taking a stroll through the men's department, I noticed this new product sitting on the shelf next to the normal selection of boxer briefs and wife beaters:

That's right - Man Spanx!!  Now men too have their own collection of blood circulation restricting shape-wear all for themselves!  I went to the website (see the entire collection here) to see what the hell this was all about.  The slogan for the line is "Expect More From Your Underwear!"  Gee - the only thing I had ever expected from my underwear was for it to not ride up my rear!  The undershirt pictured above is a compression shirt and claims to firm the chest, flatten the stomach and support the lower back - basically a man girdle.  But what was more interesting was the collection of underwear.  The Spanx undies boast an extensive list of features designed to keep your man's meat and potatoes cool and happy including:

• Strategic Spanx lift adds dimension and depth for an enhanced profile
• Innovative 3D pouch creates air circulation and reduces irritation in chafe-prone zones; ideal for travel!
• Comfortable compression cotton at the legs and Breatheasy™ Mesh Technology offer perfect fit and cool feel
• Stretch-and-Recover System: Bottoms expand when put on body, yet keep their shape wear after wear
• Long-lasting, high-gauge cotton contours to the body for a close fit
• Moisture-wicking cooling zones under groin

I am not sure what an enhanced profile is, but it worries me.  Is this the male equivalent of the push-up bra?  The 3D pouch and cooling zones sound particularly complicated!  Who knew men required such temperature control for their bits and pieces!  Given their breathability, I suppose they are ideal for travel - on all trips men should always their remember to bring foreign currency, their passport and a pair of Man Spanx, which also come in handy in case of a loss of cabin pressure.  What else do these undergarments do?  Fight crime?  Prepare your taxes?  The one thing I thankfully did not see was a profile enhancing man thong - now that would be just ridiculous!!

I Don't Have Tourette's Or Anything...

I had not seen Stamps all week so we met up for a meal today at Low Country on W 10th for some conversation and southern comfort.  Stamps was in her gym ensemble having come straight from her back to back total body conditioning and yoga classes and perched on a bar stool when I arrived.  The restaurant was surprisingly not too packed and we were seated immediately.  The table behind us was extremely loud among the rest of the mellow, likely hungover brunch crowd, with the baby banging on the table and howling and the grown ups shouting and guffawing at ear splitting volumes.  Me and Stamps were hungry, ignored the raucous and ordered - the Kentucky Hot Brown for Stamps, the Market Omelette of the Day for me and sides of cheese grits and biscuits to share.  While we waited for our meals, three men that looked like they fell out of a Ralph Lauren ad were seated next to us.  We continued to catch up with what we did over the weekend.  Stamps went to dinner Friday night and met up with a couple old friends Saturday night, whereas Friday night, following an art gallery event, I managed to get very tipsy off a combination of shots and vodka martinis at some random Lower East Side bar requiring a night on the couch on Saturday night to recover.

Finally food!  Stamps's meal was this layered concoction of french toast, smoked chicken, bacon, tomato and bechamel sauce with a serving of Old Bay seasoned fries where mine was a simple egg omelette with spring onions, grape tomatoes, asparagus and cheddar with a heap of lightly dressed arugula.  While we were stuffing our faces I overheard the youngest of the three men seated beside us, in his dapper gingham shirt, comment "This is why I only go to expensive restaurants"  He proceeded to complain in his snooty, affected tone that the loud table was "the worst I have ever seen" and "rude" as his companions nodded in agreement.  We were finishing up our meals and settling the bill when I guess the noise got to be too much for gingham and crew and the older dude to my left suddenly bellowed "Maybe if I raise my voice THIS loud I can hear what I'm saying!"  And cue awkward lull of silence by the entire room of stunned diners.

"Wow" one person from the loud table uttered while another rattled on about "What do you expect when you go out to eat?" and "This is New York City!"  Outburst guy turned to the loud table and argued his case for a peaceful brunch experience.  It became the battle of entitled snobs against a loud table of black diners in a southern restaurant - holy freaking southern discomfort!!  Stamps tried to diffuse the tension on our side restaurant and said to the men "So how's it going over there?"  Outburst guy turned and apologized to me and said "I hope I didn't startle you" (he did) and "I don't have Tourette's or anything"  I smiled politely and giggled not at all wanting to be involved or associated with entire situation. We paid and left the restaurant to walk off the food and to debrief the insanity we had just witnessed.  Stamps remarked that "For someone without Tourette's he certainly does a good impression of someone with it!"  I have spent the afternoon mulling over how the situation should have been handled since THAT was definitely not it.  I suppose a word with the waiter or hostess would suffice, but at the end of the day it's just brunch.  You will usually wait for a table, it will get loud, service may be lousy, your eggs may be slightly over/undercooked but it's a time to enjoy good company, have a bite to eat and chill out before the start of a busy work week.  Bottom line - just order another Bloody Mary and relax!!!!

An Easter Sunday Family Fish Fry

I made plans to meet up with my cousins for an Easter brunch in the West Village on what turned out to be the first really warm day of the spring.  I stood on the corner of Waverly and 7th Ave S in front of Morandi, waiting for the cousins to show up at the scheduled meeting time of 1:30 pm.  Attractive families with mamas in silky sundresses, sky-high wedge heels; hubbies in pastel shorts, casual button downs with sleeves rolled up and deck shoes; and their army of children bedecked in Burberry and pushed around in the trendy baby stroller du jour littered the patio along with the usual crowds of fabulous gays and stylish women pretending to eat the food.

(a single turquoise Easter egg in a planter, surrounded by cigarette butts - how charming)

I stood and waited, texting friends and enjoying the spectacular weather but it soon became apparent that the cousins were on Caribbean time and running VERY late.  Lateness in my family is hereditary and I have fought my whole life against my late genes so as to not piss off my boss or alienate all my friends.  As the minutes ticked by I grew more and more impatient and I could feel my blood pressure surging - I called my parents to vent who encouraged me to "just leave already!"  Finally I shot off an angry text "Where are u?  I'm waiting another 10 minutes and then I'm leaving since I will have been standing here for an hour!"   Fortunately, Bad T and Little T arrived not too long after, offering up apologetic hugs and we were seated on the patio.  My foul mood soon lifted once my beloved ricotta fritters were placed in front of me.

Snap, snap, snap - several photos were taken by the waiter with cameras, camera phones.  Bad and Little love taking photos of their beautiful smiles and photogenic faces.  I on the other hand have a serious problem keeping my eyes open any time a camera flash goes off and when a photo cannot be avoided I resort to a cheesy grin with eyes wide with surprise in order to prevent looking like a heavy lidded alcoholic bum.  Little T said I looked "shine" in the pic which is apparently a good thing and does not mean that you need to Proactiv your pores.  I also learned that shine can be used as a verb (like "I'm shinin') when you're getting yourself all pretty.  Man I feel old.  Cousins Big T (brother of Bad T) and Fighter T (brother of Little T)  met up with us for drinks and people watching/weirdo spotting at a bar along W 3rd and then they brought me into Queens to visit the family in NY that I have not visited in my 4 years living here.  About a half an hour later I found myself in Jamaica, Queens surrounded by relatives and piles of yummy food.  The smell of the lamb and duck curries lingered heavily, permeating my hair and clothes but I was too busy taking down a roti filled with crumbly, dried yellow lentils to really care.  I sat on the floor, cross-legged happily eating and catching up with family.  Snap, snap more photos - munch, munch more food.  I was sent home with a couple rotis and as a bonus...fry fish pulled straight from the hot oil (not "fried fish" but "fry fish"- that's just what they call it).  I piled into the back of Bad's compact, 2-door car with my paper bag full of fry fish to catch a ride back to the PATH train and had visions of being followed home by stray cats.  I feared being ostracized by my fellow train riders for the greasy food smells emanating from myself and my doggy bag but luckily I was surrounded by French tourists who themselves are not strangers to odorous foods.

After a shower to scrub the spice from my skin, I settled into bed, exhausted but happy.  There were no Easter bunnies or egg hunts, but who needs any of that boring stuff when you've got family, fun and fry fish to make you feel totally "shine".

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

After brunch today at Mercer Kitchen in Soho, I was doing a little shopping and passed the Kardashian's NYC outpost of their Dash boutique.  Outside the storefront, there was a frenzied mass of what I can only assume were tourists (who were all possibly hopped up on QuickTrim), standing behind a roped off area.  A stern looking doorman was letting people in and out like it was Tenjune or some other crappy Meatpacking District nightclub, while the crowd would lean over the rope thing to peek in the window and take pictures.  It was mayhem!

Women exiting Dash clutched their shopping bags filled with overpriced goods, giddy with having acquired a piece of the K sisters.  These are the damn people that are keeping the Kardashian brand afloat!!!  They keep that horrible show on the air and keep Kim on magazine after magazine with her boobs and butt pushed up and out, staring into the camera with her signature doe-eyed but completely vacant look.  Really, it's pretty amazing that a woman who's most famous for a big ass, a sex tape with Ray J and string of pro athlete boyfriends, has capitalized on her sex-kitten image and made millions slapping her name on a multitude of products and her reality TV show - and taken the whole freaking family along for the ride!  I will admit to watching the occasional episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, mostly to laugh at all the unintelligible comments, stupid antics and just plain stupidity!  Did anyone see the episode where Kim cries over her naked pics in W magazine?  Ummm hellooo you posed NAKED!!!  However, I have zero desire to purchase weight-loss products promoted by the Amazonian-proportioned Khloe, booty-enhancing Bebe duds, eau de fame whore, or awkward looking Skechers toning shoes!  I walked by, shaking my head, only hoping that these people had other activities planned on their NYC itinerary other than catching a glimpse of a Kardashian!

Where Not To Eat

While cleaning my apartment I found a crumpled take out menu for Asian 289, a restaurant in the West Village that me and Stamps had stumbled into to escape the cold and grab a drink ages ago.  The restaurant was memorably strange.  It was dimly lit and packed with diners.  We took a seat next to a cooly detached hipster couple at the bar, surveyed the drink menu and were drawn to the extensive list of $5 cocktails.  I sipped my budget Bellini and took in the atmosphere which was - very odd.  It was like an Italian cafe with a bunch of Japanese lanterns hanging from the ceiling as well as other various Asian tchotchkes.  I picked up the take out menu and it all became clear - this used to be an Italian restaurant!!

(formerly Cucina Stagionale!)

The menu was a schizophrenic mess!  For the appetizer course, selections include miso soup, chicken satay, vegetable samosas, mozzarella sticks and Buffalo chicken wings!  The pasta section features several popular Italian selections like meat lasagna and penne alla vodka but also list pad thai!  Finally, in the "chicken, meat, vegetables" section, the options include chicken marsala, chicken curry, Thai chicken and Korean chicken or beef!  I'm thinking the chances of this place nailing any one of these dishes are slim to none.  There are restaurants that successfully combine Italian and Asian flavors such as Basta Pasta and Greenwich Grill, but from the looks of the anemic looking plates on the tables this was not one of those places.  Me and Stamps finished our drinks and got up to leave just as the hipster couple stopped ignoring each other and suddenly started kissing with an abnormal amount of tongue and spit - gross.  Asian 289 - a good place for a cheap drink and that's about it.

Yummy Yummy, Molecular Gastronomy

Sunday night I met up with Giggles, Skips and Skips's man Specs (I love his glasses) for dinner at wd~50, Wylie Dufresne's Lower East Side shrine to the art and science of molecular gastronomy and #45 on the list of the World's 50 Best Restaurants.  It took us months to get a reservation, so I ate super light that day to make sure I could eat and enjoy every last bite.  Giggles, Skips and Specs had the standard tasting, while I requested a pescetarian tasting.  We ordered a bottle of 2008 Donkey & Goat Chardonnay "Brosseau Vineyard" that was suggested by our waiter since it was in our price range and the bizarre name of the vineyard was intriguing.  We started off with an amuse-bouche of a smokey mackerel, which prepared our tummies for for all of the deliciousness to come.

Next up was the "Everything bagel, smoked salmon threads, crispy cream cheese" which was - SURPRISE - not at all bagel-like but kind of like if a jewish deli decided to churn out ice-cream!  Skips and Specs talked about the $500 vet bill for their ailing dog's bladder infection and their "exemption" list of dudes they are permitted to cheat on each other with.  And then..

Hamachi with asparagus and - SURPRISE - ricotta that looks like little fish eggs.  This was AMAZING and ended up being my very favorite course of the evening.  The others had "Foie gras, passion fruit, chinese celery" - which ended up being Giggles's favorite course.  While we were eating, through the doorless kitchen entrance we could see Wylie himself obsessively plating, drizzling sauces with his brow furrowed as he carefully inspected each dish.  It was surprising to see him there, but impressive to see he hasn't been totally swept up in his celebri-chef status and turned all his food over to his staff.

The "Poached egg in the shell, pumpernickel, caesar dressing, lily bulb" was next for the table - SURPRISE - the egg shell is edible.  I scraped up every last bit of the dressing that I could manage with my fork and would have licked the plate if possible.

Then the "Peekytoe crab roll, salt ‘n vinegar chips, celery mayonnaise" for me and the "King oyster ‘udon’, sweetbreads, banana-molassas, pickled ginger" for the others.  Skips pondered over where sweetbreads come from - I said brain and Giggles said lung.  Both equally gross but both wrong.  They're actually the thymus glands of cows, lambs or pigs in either the throat or heart.  Never a fan of the organ meats, even when I did eat meat, I was happy to munch on my mini chips.

Next course - "Black bass, artichokes, forbidden rice, white chocolate-green olive" for me and "Bay scallops, bone marrow, parsnip, black sesame" for the rest.  The crispy black rice was delicious but I started to feel a fullness in my belly creeping in.

Then "Cod, peas-n-coconut, nori, carrot dashi" for me and gnocchi in a beef broth for the rest of the crew.  The gnocchi was Specs's favorite for the night.  I sipped my wine now completely focused on my growing discomfort.  Skips looks around for celebrities, but sadly there are none in the restaurant tonight.   He then recalled his Lucy Liu spotting at 15 East, Giggles recalled her spotting of "that dude from Sex and the City who wanted to pee on Carrie" and I could only think of the time I saw Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers having a drink with some dude that was on Nip/Tuck at Corner Shop Cafe.  Sadly, Balki Bartokomous was not there.

Finally, "Monkfish, white bean-brown butter, blood orange, brussels sprouts" for me and "Squab breast, cheese pumpkin, corn bread, pickled cranberries" for my also stuffed dining companions.  A squab is a young pigeon but tasted pretty much like chicken according to Specs.  I had eaten most of my plate, thus officially consuming every gill-bearing vertebrate in the ocean.

We then were served our "pre-dessert", a concoction of white beer ice cream, apple, caramel, caraway.  Giggles loves a good foam and dug in.  I took one bite of the foam and said "It tastes like when I get shampoo in my mouth!"  I can't recall when I've ever gotten shampoo in my mouth but it was oddly bitter and herbal in a way that I would imagine a mouthful of Pantene suds would taste.

Then dessert number one - "Grapefruit curd, campari, hibiscus, sorrel"  The sorrel was that green gel dot on the side.  The piece of campari infused grapefruit was polarizing at our table.  Skips nearly gagged on it while me and Giggles delighted in the sweetly sour flavor.  I was seriously about to explode at this point.

I had really hit my limit when the Jackson Pollock of desserts (see above) was placed in front of me - "Soft chocolate, beet, long pepper, ricotta ice cream"  I let out a slight whimper of near defeat as I dug my spoon into the chocolate but soldiered on.  Our plates were cleared and our waiter asked us if we wanted anything else to which Specs replied "Can we see a dessert menu?"  And then the check came...they presented the check with chocolate pouches and frozen rice krispy treats to soften the blow.

Giggles got up from the table and declared "Thank god I wore stretchy pants!"  The rest of us were not so fortunate.  Molecular gastronomy had turned into gastrointestinal distention and I wanted to go home immediately and swap my non-stretch jeans for sweat pants.  But it was a great, albeit expensive experience!  Fine dining in a casual setting, amazing eats and a bottle of wine with fun foodie friends.  Wylie stood at the back of the dining room as we were leaving with a smile on his face, looking EXACTLY like he does on his appearances on Top Chef with his slightly crooked glasses and his distinctive long locks and sideburns.  He deserved a bit of a break from his mad scientist kitchen creations and watched the diners savoring their meals.  The whole evening was worth every penny and I will reflect fondly on this dinner as I spend the next month eating ramen noodles!

New York, You're Not Much Better...

My last post was a bit unfair to the state of New Jersey so I decided to see if there are comparable establishments in the state of New York.  A quick Google search for "adult motels nyc" turned up some real winners, as well as the The Benedict Motel in Linden, NJ again!

First on the list is the Commack Motor Inn in lovely Commack, NY (see this hooker haven here).  A mere hour on the Long Island Railroad from Penn Station will get you to this pleasure palace where all beds are "triple-sheeted", an expanded X-rated video library is at your disposal and local calls are free!  However, there is a $200 cleaning fee charged if you smoke in the room and no pets are allowed on the premises, so all post-coital cigarettes will have to be had outside in the parking lot and that no pet rule was likely instated as a result of some previous horrific incident.  For a mere $35 for three hours, you too can feel like you were magically transported back to some 70's swingers den.  Note:  Triple-sheeting sounds like some kind of protective measure to shield the occupant of the bed from the well-used, bed bug infested mattress but actually just refers to the usual bottom sheet and icky blanket sandwiched between two flat sheets setup found at most cheap motels/hotels.  Next up, The Hollywood Motel in Farmingdale, NY (also Long Island) for slightly (and I mean slightly) more luxurious accommodations AND fabulous "fantasy rooms" to set the scene for seduction (see it here).  The Exotic Dancer Room features black vinyl padded walls and a stripper pole with a stage!  But the special promotions are quite the deal!  If you choose to celebrate your birthday at The Hollywood, you will receive a "special surprise gift".  Sounds like fun so long as it's "surprise here's a free cake!" and not "surprise you have gonorrhea!"  Also, there's a 10% discount if you bring in a current date movie ticket.  I've heard of dinner and a movie date nights but not so much dinner, a movie and then getting pawed among the "steamy jungle decor" of The Cheetah Room.

Finally, if you're looking for a place sans all the bells and whistles to get it on, Time Out New York has compiled a list of the best no-tell motels in and around the city (see the list here).  La Semana actually looks tolerable, but a walk of shame out of the Days Inn Brooklyn?  Only if the bed is triple-sheeted.

New Jersey, You Shady Bastard...

To avoid the tolls of the New Jersey Turnpike, my coworker who so nicely schleps my butt to and from work everyday until I move to Jersey City and get a car of my own, often take the Pulaski Skyway to U.S. Route 1.  Miraculously, after 55 minutes of crashing through potholes, inhaling the sweet exhaust and being flipped off by truck drivers along this unending road, we land up at the office (i.e. the middle of nowhere).  While this route is a bit longer than the turnpike, the sightseeing is priceless!  Located up and down Route 1 are where some of the real jewels of the state really shine, though that may just be the glare of a motel "mirror room" reflecting through the barred windows and off the worn asphalt.  From shady motels boasting in-room jacuzzis and free HBO, adult toy stores with all windows obscured, bail bonds companies aplenty to the sprawling discount liquor marts - all of your most distasteful, lascivious, and possibly illegal desires can be fulfilled!

(this business, while not on Route 1 has various music and Latin dance lessons and "WE DO TAXES")

The first business to really catch my attention (other than a sad bridal shop beside a bail bonds agency) was The Benedict Motel (see website here) in Linden, NJ with its sign advertising "destination rooms".  I was intrigued since it didn't look quite as shady as some of the other cheap looking, prostitution-worthy motels, and visited the website.  I confirmed my suspicions that this was one of those adult themed motels with heart-shaped hot tubs, magic fingers vibrating beds and hourly room rates ($40 for the day in case you're interested).  There are also free in-room movies with two free adult channels, since it's not a real party unless free porn is involved!  It really is the perfect spot for an extramarital affair, an afternoon rendezvous with a working girl or a Craigslist "casual encounters" hookup.  Honeymoon suites are available for anyone wishing to celebrate the start of their blessed union in....Linden, NJ.  AND there is a Burger King conveniently located next door in case you want to take your honey out for some flame broiled goodness after your romp in a Tikki themed room.  I decided to do a Google search and discovered that the Benedict is not alone!!  In the area, the Loop Inn Motel in Avenel, NJ can also be found - equally as tacky (experience the romance here).  If you're REALLY willing to risk bedbugs and certain STD transmission upon contact with the sheets (though I'm pretty sure this applies to the other two as well) you can try the Garden State Motor Lodge - the horrific website can be found here.  Looks like an episode of Cheaters waiting to happen doesn't it?  Of course the super dirty, $25 and under places do not have websites, so I encourage all to take a meander up Route 1 and see it all for yourselves.  Ah the charms of the dirty Jerz!

Pizza Pizza

Last week my favorite pizzeria back home in Toronto, Pizza Gigi, was shutdown when police raided the place and discovered $1 million worth of marijuana, half an ounce of crack cocaine, Oxycocet and OxyContin inside.  I will miss their delicious pizza Margherita with fresh basil that was always delivered so promptly to my door - though if the Gigi staff were all amped up on amphetamines this would explain their lightning fast delivery times.  I thought Gigi was the ONE, however when I moved to NYC I realized there are a lot of other great pizzas out there!  While I was home last weekend, I met up with my friend and fellow pizza addict Grouch (as in Oscar the Grouch).  He's a former coworker so unconcerned with the feelings of other people that he has no problem brashly telling them EXACTLY what's on his mind.  For instance when I told him about this blog his reaction was "You have way too much time on your hands. I can't believe you blog about useless sh** about your life AND have time to do it."  Nice.  While I can't rely on Grouch for kind words, politeness or sometimes common decency, I CAN rely on him for excellent pizza restaurant recommendations - and I was ready to again explore the pizzas that Toronto has to offer.  Grouch and Mrs. Grouch (yes this saint of a woman actually married him) brought me to their go-to pizza place near their home in Vaughan located in an industrial park and bizarrely named Ice Cream Patio.

(wood-oven deliciousness!)

I didn't even need to look at the menu to know what I wanted as I always judge a pizza place on the pizza Margherita.  A great pizza does not need to hide under a pile of toppings - a well seasoned, tomato-y sauce, gooey mozzarella and yummy crust should speak for itself.  My pizza was placed in front of me by my overly spray tanned, Paul Bunyan proportioned waiter and it looked and smelled delicious - and it tasted even better!  While I enjoyed this pizza, I couldn't commit - too hard to do long distance.  Grouch informed me that he would be in Wilmington, Delaware for work this week and wanted to drive down to NYC to continue our pizza fest.  So Tuesday night, Grouch got into his rental car and drove the two hours into the city to join me at Mario Batali's Otto Enoteca, a place I've been wanting to try for a while.  We were seated and Grouch hilariously and loudly grouched about work ("boring"), his lame coworkers ("I don't care about your kids") and his trips to Wilmington's finest dining and drinking establishments ("ghetto").  But as soon as our pizzas arrived and he started eating, he calmed down like a baby with a pacifier.  The obnoxious comments were put on hold while he chewed and chomped away.  I strayed slightly from my Margherita and got the Romana that had anchovies, capers and chill peppers.  It was good, though not as good as my current NYC love - Motorino (a reliable, classic pie).

(yes I like anchovies!)

Grouch dropped me off at my place and headed back to Wilmington.  Later that night I was perusing Gawker and discovered an article (find it here) about an 82 year old woman who had ordered a pepperoni pizza and two diet cokes from Domino's every day for the last three years when suddenly the store noticed she hadn't ordered in three days.  Her regular delivery woman went by to check on her and called 911 when the door went unanswered, saving the elderly woman who had fallen and was unable to call for help.  Pizza, her faithful companion of three years, had saved her life.  I was overjoyed at this happy pizza news after the drug den pizza palace bust of last week.  If me, Stamps and Giggles do not manage to form the new Golden Girls, I could definitely see myself eating a pizza daily as a little old lady.  And since Domino's just won't do, I will continue sampling pizzas until I find - MY one.

Oh The Drama

On Saturday night, a going away party at a West Village bar served as sociological experiment to see what happens when too many groups of people who are loosely connected to one another are brought together and alcohol is involved.  Things started out all dignified with dinner, but as more drinks were consumed, civil mealtime conversation quickly deteriorated into surly stupidity.  I'll attempt to provide the overall feeling of the evening with the following montage (picture a dimly lit pub, paneled in dark wood but reasonably modern, with top 40 tunes blaring amid the bar patrons shouting to each other):

"What happened?"
"She hates me!"
"You owe me a drink!"
"Can I take you out some time?"
"Get him some water.."
"He's never making it home..."
"Do you think she's cute?"
"Anyone want a shot?"
"She's sooo not cute..."
"I'm sitting.  My feet hurt."
"I can't believe she showed up!"
"I can't believe he didn't show up!"
"I can't believe he left!"
"I want to confront him!"
"I loooove this song!"
"Don't leave you're not the 3rd wheel."
"I'm too drunk. I need to go home.."

And scene.  Okay, so the whole evening wasn't a complete soap opera - lots of laughs, fun group photos and catching up with old friends.  But in every circle of inebriated acquaintances, there's always going to be something!

This Totally Sucks...

While walking through the East Village Thursday night, after NYC's third snow storm that left Central Park covered in a whopping 19 inches of snow, we discovered every car owner's hell.

The city's sanitation department got their act together after the crazy Christmas storm and plowed the streets, but managed to bury a whole bunch of parked cars!  A closer look:

Notice the sad little side mirrors sticking out, sort of like the car is reaching out and saying "Hey guys!  I'm under here!"  Heartbreaking.  To the owners of these vehicles - GOOD LUCK!!!

Ladies Who Lunch

I met Stamps for lunch today, but was craving something relatively healthy since I had assailed my body and mind with junk the night before with a Southern style dinner at Georgia's Eastside BBQ followed by a double helping of reality television, watching both Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion show (part 1, can't wait for part 2 next Tuesday).  We settled on Forty Carrots in Bloomingdale's, the brightly colored health food restaurant famous for their frozen yogurt with a ton of toppings, which far predates the Pinkberry or Red Mango shops that have popped up all over Manhattan.  We each ordered the $13 bunched lunches with soup, a half sandwich and a small frozen yogurt - potato leek with chicken salad for Stamps and vegetable with no-mayo tuna salad for me.

(salad eaters unite)

As we looked around the restaurant, our eyes following the orders of the other diners wide with food envy, we noticed something unmistakable about the clientele.  "There is one man in this entire restaurant" whispered Stamps gesturing towards some older gentleman.  I scanned the restaurant and indeed he was the lone male, other than the waitstaff, in a sea of women eating swirls of creamy yogurt-y goodness the size of their heads (see above photo).  I watched the graceful older woman to my right who was elegantly dressed in a black cashmere cardigan and tailored pants with a classic quilted Chanel bag tucked neatly beside her, push away her unfinished salad.  She actually refused the frozen yogurt, probably to maintain her slim figure.  The pair of blondes to my left, indulged in leafy green salads and yogurt while chatting nonstop about the one girl's fertility issues.  These are the ladies who lunch of NYC, a bunch of well groomed, well dressed b**ches that married hedge fund guys, stopped working and have time to linger over their froyos and then do some shopping, while women like me and Stamps are forced to shovel our desserts down our throats before our bosses come looking for us.  Quite frankly - we were jealous.

(half chocolate, half vanilla - yum)

Our plates were cleared and our heaps of froyo were placed in front of us.  Each bite was like a little holiday in my mouth - delicious.  We may not have the luxury of not working (damn it I need to win the lottery) and the time to shop away an afternoon with friends on a weekday - but we do have an hour lunch break to escape a pile of work, have a bite to eat with a fellow desk monkey, and share the stories of the day.  And, of course - we always have the yogurt!

Cold Weather, Silly Clothing

Well, there's another major storm watch and damn is it cold.  To help us all cope, New York Magazine decided to consult a bunch of fashion people on what we should wear to stay warm (you can find the article and slideshow here).  Some of these people seem to be in touch with reality and have perhaps even ventured out into the streets and taken public transit, whereas others are probably used to being chauffeured around each winter.  The more sensible suggestions (and there were few) included Uniqulo heat tech (cozy) and Sorel Caribou boots (I am currently obsessed with my Sorels).

(pretty snowy trees in the parking lot leaving work at 3 pm - love when work calls a snow day!!)

On the other hand:

• Andre Leon Talley - The flamboyant Vogue editor claims the most important thing is to have great cashmere socks; his favorite coat, a voluminous brown and black Fendi fur coat that would make the most lithe wearer resemble a large overstuffed chicken; and a great canvas carryall to keep things neat.  I have first hand knowledge of his outerwear choices having shared a flight from Paris back to NYC with Mr. Andre.  He traipsed into business class clad in a crocodile leather trench (looking like a croc that had swallowed an elephant) and carrying a great Louis Vuitton attache case to keep things neat.  However, once the coat came off he revealed a tattered blue polo shirt, a pair of baggy gym shorts, and socks (not sure if they were cashmere) worn with flip flops.  He topped this ensemble off with a knit ski cap with an "Obama 08" button pinned on the side.  Once he settled in, he popped a couple sleeping pills, put on his sleep mask and proceeded to snore loudly for the duration of the flight.  Anyways, I agree with the idea of a warm but cute coat and a fabulous bag, however I am not a fan of resembling any of our friends in the animal kingdom!
• Isaac Mizrahi - Fashion designer and host of "The Fashion Show" on Bravo with the super freaking gorgeous Iman,  says don't wear black (will get destroyed) or brown (too depressing) but blue.  Listen Isaac, I don't care if "blue is the new black" for the winter season.  I'll wear whatever color will keep my a** the warmest running around in the freezing rain/snow!!  Completely unrelated - I caught the season finale of TFS and was very relieved that overly dramatic, shrieking queen Calvin did not win.
• Stacy Bendet - This designer of the label Alice + Olivia keeps warm in "Bright-colored hat and platform furry boots! Or stay inside."  A pair of shaggy, white Chanel boots are pictured.  Clearly THIS lady has never actually walked through the streets of NYC in the winter as these boots would resemble a couple of matted-up, wet dogs after mere minutes in the mucky slush.  Almost as ridiculous as this lady (she REALLY should just stay inside) are those a**hole banker types I see walking around midtown leaping over puddles to avoid ruining their Gucci loafers (yes, the obnoxious ones with the horsebit thing).  I see no reason to spend all that money on expensive shoes to have them eaten up by snow and road salt.  Boots or even those weird rubber shoe cover things my dad wears over his shoes seem to make a lot more sense (though the latter are definitely NOT high fashion).  
• Vena Cava designers - Both these women layer a unitard under their clothing.  While this does sounds VERY warm, is there some kind of escape route in this piece of clothing?  I am picturing the public bathroom nightmare getting in and out of that thing.  

Whatever you choose to wear in this crappy weather, bundle up, stay warm and wake me up when it's Spring!!

Dance Your Ass Off

Saturday morning I trudged to the NYSC in Union Square to meet Giggles to try our first Zumba class.  Now I'm usually more of a treadmill/elliptical followed by weights kind of girl with my classes limited to bootcamp or yoga, but I was curious to check out the workout I've seen in those loud, hyperactive late night infomercials.  I assembled with the other Zumba goers in the exercise studio to stretch a little and look around for Giggles, but she's nowhere to be seen.  Seconds before the packed class is supposed to begin, she comes running in with a story of how she had to take a cab because she accidentally showed up at the wrong location - very Giggles-like.  Suddenly, we were assaulted by fast paced Latin music and our petite and energetic instructor with her head full of bouncy curls, started the warm up.  "Aaaa-nd march!" she yelled, her knees high, twisting her hips, and raising her arms from her waist up to the ceiling. "Aaaa-nd rumba!!!" grinning widely as she danced along with intricate steps to the music.  I got a peek at the mirror and me and Giggles's confused, jittery movements and broke down in laughter - we were in some SERIOUS trouble!

(the site of our merengue mess)

Fortunately for us, EVERYBODY in the damn class was also skipping along frantically looking more like a room full of people desperately trying to locate a fire exit than a dance inspired fitness class.  I'm not sure how the instructor kept from dissolving into a fit of giggles at the sight of all of us!  The music continued to pound in my ears and the moves continued to grow increasingly more bizarre.  For the first half hour we endured shouts of "Aaaa-nd shake!", "Aaaa-nd shimmy!!", "Now sli-iiiide!!!!"  As  we uncomfortably body rolled, mechanically circled our hips and clumsily threw our hands up in the air about a half step behind the instructor, I was beginning to understand why Zumba is a HOME exercise video phenomenon!

(somewhere in this class is a gyrating ponytailed man...)

In the second half, there was a reggaeton set to some song I had never heard of but I liked the stomping, some fun booty shaking to "Bootylicious" by Beyonce and we dropped it like it's hot to "Rude Boy" by Rihanna.  This music was infinitely better than the rabid Latin music with unrecognizable lyrics in Spanish and occasional hoots of "I love Zumba!"  However, there was one strange "toning" set to "Stereo Love" which interspersed squats and lunges with moves that seemed like an attempt to seduce myself publicly - interesting.  I stiffly followed along, refusing to be conquered by a bunch of silly salsa steps (though Shakira, I was not), while Giggles had pretty much given up on the arm movements unable to coordinate her top and bottom halves.  Somehow, we managed to last the entire hour.  Would I do this class again?  Maybe for a good laugh, but come Monday, back to the treadmill for this girl.

A Shoe Store Miracle

Today, after brunch at Tarallucci E Vino with Stamps and Giggles, something truly miraculous occurred - I bought a pair of amazing knee-high black leather boots that amazingly zip over my calves!  To appreciate the significance of this event, I must provide some history.

Ever since I was a kid, I have had massive, athletic calves.  There's this photo of me at my parents house on Games Day at my school - I'm 8 years old, dressed in my gym uniform, sprinting across the grass with a red ball in my tiny hands and a huge grin on my face.  When I look at the picture all I should notice is this perfect memory of childhood innocence, BUT all I can see are my calf muscles rippling mid-stride like an NFL running back.  In middle school, a classmate gave me the delightful little nickname of "Schwarzenegger legs" which (obviously) completely sucked, so I retaliated by making fun of the size of his disproportionately large head (he eventually grew into it).  However, after enduring years of teasing and meatheads stopping me at the gym to ask what I do to get my calves this way, I reached a point somewhere in adulthood where I actually appreciate my legs and like the way they look in a pair of heels.  The one thing that has really bothered me are certain fashion limitations I have - for example, no ankle straps on shoes, no awkward skirt lengths, no super skinny jeans and no knee-high boots.  I was always fine without the straps, 3/4 skirts and jeans with teeny leg openings, but I have ALWAYS envied girls that can wear the boots.  From the clunky, square-toe boots from Aldo my girls used to wear to go out back in the day to the sleek, soft leather boots my friends wear today - how I coveted a pair of my very own.  And I have tried repeatedly to find a pair, wrestling with all kind of boots of various styles and fabrications in shoe stores the world over, only to have them zip/go up about half way.  A couple years ago, as a result of the slouchy boot trend, I was able to get a pair of boots and a year after that I learned that I could get boots stretched and bought another pair.  And while I like both pairs, I don't LOVE them - purchasing them more because they worked on my legs.

After brunch, me and Giggles walked over to the DSW in Union Square as I had received a $10 gift certificate in the mail and wanted to check out the goods.  The place was CROWDED, bustling with women tearing up the place looking for a bargain.  I wandered around, not looking for anything in particular, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a beautiful pair of tall, black leather boots with silver zipper and buckle details.  I was about to keep walking but upon a second glance, there appeared to be a lot of calf room.  So I grabbed a box and found a quiet place in the corner to try them on - crap, they didn't quite zip up over my leggings.  Giggles, a frequent boot wearer herself, came over and was convinced they would zip - so, I tried again to no avail.  I still LOVED them and they were 40% off and I had the coupon ($137 total - sweet), so I got them anyways with plans to have them stretched.  When I got home, I pulled my new boots out of the box to admire them and decided to give them another try.  This time I sat on the floor, with my legs extended in front of me, instead of standing balanced on one leg like I did at the store.  Sitting this way, my calf muscles relaxed and to my surprise, they boots easily zipped up!  I was ecstatic and texted Giggles immediately, who shared in my boot joy!  I feel I need to thank some people - Michael Kors (or somebody who works over there), for making a pair of boots seemingly perfect for me and to DSW for discounting them to the point where I can afford them and my rent too.  A shoe store miracle indeed.

Christmas In Naples

Two days after I arrived back in NYC after my 3 week trip to China, I was on a plane once again, this time bound for my Christmas holiday with my family in Naples, Florida.  My parents have a condo on the beach and we have been vacationing there for the last 20 years for the sun, sand and relaxation!  I met up with my brother in Newark (he was connecting from Buffalo) where we boarded our flight.  When we landed in Fort Myers, my mom was there to greet us, while my dad was off getting Starbucks.  They had a bit of a nightmare with the rental car on there way from the Punta Gorda Airport, where they had landed.  The car had stalled on the highway, at night and it took so long for Alamo to send a tow truck that the battery had died, leaving them without heat or the hazard lights.  They called the police who stayed with them until the tow truck finally decided to turn up.  Thankfully they were fine, just very hungry!  Unfortunately, since Naples is the land of the early bird special and everyone is in bed by 9:30 pm, there was nowhere open to eat at 1:00 am and we ended up whipping up a feast of frozen pizza and ramen noodles from the food aisle of the 24 hour CVS.

Eating out is a big part of what we do in Naples, with breakfast and lunch usually prepared in the condo between sessions out on the beach or reading poolside, and dinners out at our favorite restaurants.  My brother is a rib aficionado, with his ribs of choice at Michelbob's Ribs, where you eat a picnic tables surrounded by retro Coca-Cola signs and ads all over the walls.  My parents love Carrabba's Italian Grill, which always seems to be packed, as well as Randy's Fish Market Restaurant for seafood.  My favorite was always Frascati's Italian Restaurant for the eggplant parmigiana and the salad with creamy Italian dressing.  However, when we drove up to Frascati's, my favorite restaurant that had been open as long as I can remember had closed down!  I was NOT happy, but took this opportunity to try and find a new favorite.  Admittedly, since we had always gone to our routine list of places to eat, my family had gotten a bit lazy in discovering new restaurants in the area.  We discovered Bleu Provence while driving past it to get to another dinner spot - it looked inviting and warmly candlelit from the outside through the white shutters.  I made an early reservation online to take advantage of their $24.95 "Menu Decouverte", available between 5:00 to 6:00 pm every day and includes an appetizer, a main course and a glass of wine!  According to the website, Bleu Provence is a French restaurant that was opened by a French couple from Provence who had retired in Naples.  When we arrived we were promptly greeted by the host and seated in the dining room.  The restaurant is elegant, borrowing from the best of both French and Florida Coastal design, the waitstaff friendly and the wine list extensive.  There were plenty of option included in the dinner special and I decided to start with the Provencal Fish Soup with Rouille and Croutons:

The last time I had a fish soup this flavorful I was sitting seaside in Arcachon, France, with a heaping raw seafood platter and a ridiculous view of a woman trying to sunbathe topless while I shivered under my hooded sweatshirt!  Anyways, my mom had the French Onion Soup; my brother the Pan-Grilled Mussels with Garlic and Parsely; and my dad, the Arugula Salad with Smoked Salmon, Parmesan and Fennel.  We were all happy with our starters and I even managed to sneak a piece of baguette into my brothers appetizer to sample the sauce, which was wonderful.  For the main, me and my dad ordered Loup de Mer (Sea Bass) Baked with Chablis Beurre Blanc Sauce Mashed Potatoes and Asparagus.  We always seem to order similarly, though I like to think he's copying me!

My mom had the Crispy Duck Leg Confit with Potato Gratin and Mango Fries and my brother decided on a Swordfish special.  We sipped glasses of red wine and chatted throughout our meal, during which the dining room had filled up!  Our mains were also delicious, though the portion of the swordfish was not  quite large enough for my brother.  We all shared a Creme Brulee with Vanilla Bourbon for dessert:

Creamy, not too sweet and flecked with vanilla bean.  We left Bleu Provence happy and full (except for my brother who would require a snack of potato chips later that night), did a little shopping and then played some Mahjong (purchased in Shanghai!) before bed.  Christmas highlights also included our Christmas day dinner (lots of yummy veggies), our living room plant covered in colorful Christmas lights, tossing around the football in the sand, and me and my dad beating my mom and brother in our annual family doubles tennis match.  I'll be training for a repeat win next year!

China Doll

This blog post on my last work trip of 2010 is long outdated mostly due to the fact that most popular blog sites are blocked in China.  The group working in China was huge, with 11 auditors in total on 3 different teams, making for a colorful cast of characters.  Team 1, relegated to the manufacturing site outside the city centre of Shanghai arrived the week earlier and consisted of GQ, from the Ecuador and Massachusetts posts; GTL, the ultimate pumped-up, protein shake chugging, NJ Guido; Sake, happy, talkative and Chinese born, with a love of alcoholic beverages but sadly not the tolerance; and slender, soft spoken Bindi, charged with somehow leading this motley crew.  Team 2 was led by analytic, opinionated Slim, who grew up in Shanghai and has a huge appetite despite his slight frame; Skippy, the metrosexual ladies man (not to be mistaken with Skips, the homosexual ladies man); and Staten Island (SI for short), the thoughtful guy's guy, slowly making up for the reputation currently held by the men from NYC's smallest borough.  They were also joined by Leesha, the nicest, most humble girl you'll ever meet.  Team 3, was me, Frenchie and Mals, whip smart with a quick wit and an unapologetically loud, infectious laugh.  So here's my trip summarized into, like with Ecuador, the good, the bad and the ugly!

(The Great Wall)

The Good:

• Sites -  I travelled to Beijing my second weekend with my brother (on vacation) and SI, to see all the amazing historical sites - the Great Wall, Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square.  Of course there is far more, and my brother, having arrived a few days before me and SI was also able to see the Summer Palace and a few other places, but I only had a weekend!  The Great Wall was by far the highlight of the entire trip and we trekked along the Mutianyu section, which is less touristy and crowded than the more popular Badaling section.  It was very cold (my feet froze in my Chuck Taylors), but we walked along for HOURS until hitting parts that were unrestored, where I managed to hit my head not once but 3 times.  Things that made me laugh - a woman reading a guidebook for Tokyo (good luck finding the Wall in there lady!) and some dude running past us like a maniac, trying to get off the Wall as quickly as humanly possible.  "The Mongols are coming!" my brother yelled after him.  Try to resist purchasing the hideous panda hats and "I heart BJ" t-shirts sold by the nearby vendors.  We also snuck in some sightseeing in Shanghai (what a cool and cosmopolitan city), including the markets, Jing'An Temple, Shanghai World Financial Centre (3rd tallest building in the world) and colorful Pudong skyline, The Bund and the  French Concession area.  Unfortunately, I did not get to see Yuyuan Garden, which was around the corner from the hotel, but perhaps another time.  

(Shanghaiese Dumplings from Din Tai Fung)

• Food - I had excitedly asked a coworker who had been to Shanghai the year before about her experiences there prior to my trip to which she responded "Well first of all I hate Chinese food!"  Awesome.  But while there was some stuff that looked more like a Fear Factor challenge (see the ugly) than dinner, I had some delicious meals with my favorite being the mouth-watering, steamed Shanghaiese dumplings at Din Tai Fung - a famous chain and a must visit in Asia (we went twice).  Other favorites were Shanghaiese food at Crystal Jade and Taiwanese food at Bellagio, both located in the Xintiandi neighborhood; Indian food at Tandoor in the French Concession; as well as our last dinner at the upscale Stiller's Restaurant on The Bund, which had a fantastic view of the skyline.  In Beijing, we had a yummy hot pot dinner at Ding Ding Xiang (Hot Pot Paradise) that warmed our bones after our day on the Wall and a hearty breakfast at Grandma's Kitchen, which serves a large selection of American diner favorites (the skillets were very popular with the guys).

(Fabric Market and a bizarre Mandarin to English translation)

• Shopping - Shanghai is a shopper's paradise from high-end malls to markets and cheap custom tailoring.  I spent most of my yuan at the 580 Nanjing Road Souvenir and Fake Market.  I bypassed all of the fake Tiffany silver, belts, shoes and handbags for items made of beautiful Chinese silks, pashminas and other fun Asian inspired accessories!  I did also purchase a couple bootleg Rosetta Stone sets in French and Spanish.  The key is to bargain hard as the initial prices quoted by the vendors are eye-rollingly ridiculous.  State your bottom line and walk out as you can find the same stuff elsewhere among the 3 floors of stuff.  Oftentimes, the vendor will run after you, grab your arm and give you the price you want.  

The Bad:

(Fortune Cookie from Hong Kong Airlines and a very special message)

• Air Travel - The first weekend I headed to Hong Kong with GQ, GTL and SI to visit friends and for some good food and nightlife.  I booked the cheapest flight available on Hong Kong Airlines, a separate flight from the guys who booked later but somehow managed to get the same price.  However, while their flight was on time, my flight was horribly delayed going there and coming back - leading to some highly inconvenient and uncomfortable situations.  Just as the distribution of fortune cookies is a possible indication of a subpar Chinese restaurant, this should apply to airlines too (see photo above - love the fortune though)!  The second weekend to Beijing, we flew China Eastern Air, boarded on time only to sit on the plane for 4 hours!!  They even served us dinner while still on the ground!  Passengers grew restless, with several screaming at crew members and storming off the plane.  The Brazilian dude across the aisle from me sang out loud to his iPod, which provided some welcome comic relief.  By some miracle, the flight back to Shanghai was on time!
• Cutting In Line - This seems to happen everywhere in Asia!  In the airport, getting off planes, really anywhere a line exists - either get some backbone or get run over (this would also apply to crossing the street)!  I was trying to get a taxi to go to the airport when some a**hole literally pushed me aside to get to the cab I had flagged down.  I stood, infuriated and yelled "Motherf***er!", which caught the attention of the man who turned and looked at me with a shocked expression, but he still snaked my taxi.  Days later we were standing outside the office in the freezing cold trying to get a taxi back to the hotel for a LONG time when some girl started running to get ahead of our group.  I got my "hells no b**ch" attitude on and started running to the corner in heels and a pencil skirt with Mals not far behind me.  When I got to the corner, I stood practically in the middle of the intersection and managed to wave down a taxi.  But he didn't stop directly in front of me, rolling to a stop just past me and I saw another girl in the corner try and leap in.  "Get in the cab" I screamed at Mals.  She ducked into back seat the taxi seconds before the girl, who tried to get into the front seat.  I ran towards the taxi and also hopped in the back and the girl was saying that she was there first.  "Sorry!" Mals said abruptly and the girl conceded, shot some expletive our way as she exited and we instructed the driver to pick up Frenchie and Leesha.  Not my finest moment, but no way was someone snaking my taxi twice!!

(M1NT Club, the site of our last night in Shanghai festivities)

• Lounge Singer - After a long and aggravating day at work, me, Frenchie, Mals and Leesha sat in the lounge of our hotel (The Renaissance Yu Garden) to grab some quick eats and a much needed drink!  As we picked at fries, pizza, nachos and an assortment of other fried foods, the lounge singer and the piano player/back up singer wailed and chortled songs in both Mandarin and English - which did nothing to calm our already frayed nerves.  Her voice, though not the absolute worst I've ever heard, was not really worthy of well - being paid.  In addition, she managed to transform Sade's "Smooth Operator" into "Smooth Separator" and stumbled through a particularly painful rendition of "It's So Eady To Fall In Love", though I am willing to overlook this since I'm sure that if I were to try and sing ANYTHING in Mandarin it would get me executed in China for causing a public nuisance.  Anyways, Frenchie loudly voiced her displeasure with the screechy serenade throughout dinner and I was afraid that Mals was going to throw things at the woman.

The Ugly:

(Leftover pigeon heads from the roasted pigeon ordered by Slim and Skippy for lunch)

• Food - Team 1, who were in rural Shanghai had an awful time trying to find a lunch spot acceptable to all team members.  The restaurants were VERY local and contained menu items that translated into slaughterhouse specials such as "pig tail surprise" as well as other delightful combinations of guts and organs that may be delicious to those raised on this cuisine but terrifying for dudes like GQ and GTL who were likely dreaming of the day they return home to mama's pasta.  Bindi, a vegetarian - well, you can guess how she felt.  No part of an animal is tossed out, but I guess with a population of over a billion people you need to get resourceful in order to feed everyone!  Sake, used to consuming these types of delicacies, often ate separate from the rest of the team, while the others stuck to rice bowls at one particular restaurant.  Team 2 and 3, located in the city did not encounter the same lunchtime challenges, with the "ickiest" thing encountered being the roasted pigeon.  Apparently it tastes like chicken, but I could never eat the dirty birds that perch and poop on my window sill.  Food safety is also something that should not be ignored by foreigners and in our attempt to be careful at the shady looking airport diner, we ended up ordering fried stuff and vegetarian club sandwiches, layered with white bread.  When I complained about the lack of nutrition of our meal Mals declared "If the lack of nutrition was the ONLY thing wrong with that meal then we were lucky!"
• Hygiene - The public nose picking, ear digging, noisy bunching of phlegm and spitting was one of the more unpleasant and unavoidable aspects of China, but I began to be desensitized over the 3 weeks to these culturally accepted behaviors (and just to be clear, it's not everyone doing this).  In an extreme case, in a taxi on our way to dinner, me and my brother had a driver that may be a leftover from the SARS epidemic of 2003.  We sat aghast in the back seat as he coughed, hacked, spat and shot snot rockets out the window.  I freaked out and turned to my brother and said "There is no way I am taking that receipt"  I was  not about to store a potential biohazard in my purse to be reimbursed $2!  "Do you have exact change!" I yelled to my bro, who was thoroughly amused by my horror, as I plotted to toss the money into the front seat and escape the petri dish of a vehicle, where the germs of passengers were probably co-mingling and mutating to form the next great super bacteria!!  We escaped with our lives - just barely!
• Bar Bathroom in Beijing - I still can't talk about this.  But I would have never made it back to the hotel!

And then there's the weird:

Mals found this article in a Korean paper on our flight from Seoul to Shanghai, which cracked us up.  We all survived the trip without requiring the services of Dr. Park and I would someday like to go back and see the sites I missed (Xian and the Terra Cotta Warriors) as well as some of the natural beauty of some of the other provinces.  What an unforgettable trip and a great end to my time in audit.

My Last Meal Of 2010

As mentioned in the previous post, I spent NYE at Lievito for dinner with friends (Stamps, Giggles, 'Cuse, Commack and friend of Commack's) after a cocktail party hosted by Stamps.  Lievito is usually a pizzeria, but there was a special menu that evening, served up by unusually hot Italian waiters (not Guido Italian from NJ, but sophisticated Italian from Italy).  The restaurant itself was modern and warm, with festive but tasteful holiday decorations.  One of the hot waiters brought out the first course, a focaccia bread with robiola cheese & truffle oil, which was seriously one of the most amazing things I have ever tasted.  Then:

Broccoli flan on a parmesan cheese basket & walnut pesto.  Been noticing a lot of savory flans on Italian menus as of late, which I'm not sure what to make of as I'm not a huge fan of gelatinous foods.  This flan tasted like what I would imagine a can of condensed cream of broccoli soup would taste like if you didn't add the water.  The parmesan basket was tasty, but a tad chewy.  Next:

Canneloni with ricotta cheese & spinach.  Oh my goodness was this fantastic.  Rich and creamy, unlike the flan, I ate the whole thing.  And then:

Mascarpone cheese pearls with crab meat & porcini mushrooms.  Also delicious, but the heaviness of the first 3 courses had me feeling VERY full.  I ate all the crab meat and then cut into one of the "pearls" which was more like a ravioli.  Only the mascarpone filling was not thick and creamy, but more runny and when I cut into the thing it proceeded to spew suddenly all over the table, narrowly missing my Blackberry.  One of my male dining companions made a grossly inappropriate, but hilariously obvious comment referencing a sexual reproductive function which made me giggle for about 10 minutes.  A palate cleansing lemon sorbet was followed by a choice of steak with foie gras or fish.  I opted for the pan seared tuna with sauteed artichokes, sweet white wine jelly, crispy parsley over a bed of champignon mushrooms:

I ate the artichokes and had one bite of the tuna as my tummy was at capacity.  As midnight approached, the waiters distributed hats and noisemakers to the patrons and turned the televisions on to the NY1 coverage of the Times Square ball drop.  We cheered and yelled and did the countdown "Happy New Year!!!" and toasted with glasses of champagne.  We continued to watch the madness in Times Square and watched all the happy couples tongue kissing on television -  classy.  For dessert (*groan*), homemade triple chocolate mousse with cherry sauce & mascarpone ice cream.  I had one bite - and it was great, but I wanted to die as I felt like I had consumed the entire counter at Murray's Cheese Shop.

While dinner was delicious, I could not help but notice that it was all very "beige" with the exception of the smear of cherry sauce on the side of dessert.  This meal could have done with one less pasta course and a salad to cut some of the richness of all the cheese.   We popped into the White Horse Tavern for a final drink, but my stomach was just not cooperating and the majority of my Amstel Light went unfinished.  We gazed out the window and watched as a girl who had obviously not paced her alcohol consumption, clutched the sides of the trash can on the corner, while her friends held her hair and rubbed her back (a sight that I saw on several street corners on my cab ride home and probably also repeated all over the city, country...world).  I was full enough to slightly envy her purge, but not in public view into a trash can in the middle of the West Village.

Despite my extreme post-dinner discomfort (all the booze did not help either), the meal was good enough to make me want to revisit Lievito and try the pizza - and ogle the waiters a bit more!

Happy New Year!!!

Today, I was sitting in a cab on my way to meet Stamps for a post-NYE meal of greasy Chinese food at Congee Village to absorb the mess of rich Italian food, champagne, red wine and beer consumed the night before.  After the driver had accidentally drove into an enormous pothole that jolted me violently around the backseat, he apologized.  I giggled and said "I'm okay, but I'm not so sure about your car" to which he laughed and asked me about my NYE celebrations.  We continued to chat and as we neared the Lower East Side he commented that he'd had about 9 fares that morning and that he wasn't sure if it was just because it was the first day of the year, that everyone has been so friendly and said with a hopeful, optimistic tone "I wish that this would continue year round."  I smiled and agreed.  He seemed like a nice person who, due to his profession, is probably subjected to his fair share of abuse from stressed business-types, frustrated tourists, puking drunks and the myriad of crazy people that occupy the island of Manhattan.  I too have been guilty of irrationally taking out my pent up anger on taxi drivers, waiters and other service people on my "bad" days even though I'm usually polite.  New Year's Resolution #1 - Be kind to others even when your day sucks since there's no reason to make the day of some innocent bystander suck too (unless they're being a complete a**hole, then I have free rein to be a jerk).

(My favorite Veggie Chow Fun)

After our meal, me and Stamps walked to the Angelika to meet Giggles to see Blue Valentine.  The movie (starring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling with a most unfortunate hairline) details the derailment of a relationship, shifting between the past and present and juxtaposing their intensely romantic beginnings to their current state of alcohol fueled fights over his contentment to be a deadbeat and her need for something more.  Hell, the freaking family dog dies within the first 20 minutes, which really sets the tone for the whole film!  Oddly, this is the second New Year's Day where I've watched a puppy bite it, having seen Marley and Me on January 1, 2009.  Anyways, there's some brilliant acting, a lot of graphic sex scenes and the whole thing ends with you thinking "ugh, why bother!"  New Year's Resolution #2 - That quirky, handsome hipster may not be so charming and fun when you're married, have a child and living out in Nowheresville, Pennsylvania - so date responsibly.

We needed the comfort of carbs after the movie and headed to Emporio for pizza, even though we had eaten a cheesy, muti-course, Italian extravaganza at Lievito the night before.  We ordered the squash and kale salad, mushroom risotto croquettes, pizza Margherita and a white pie with prosciutto, arugula, cherry tomatoes and shaved parmesan.  The salad was fresh tasting with juicy pomegranate seeds, the croquette crunchy and savory and the thin crust pizzas light and crisp.  For dessert, the chocolate ganache tart with sea salt and caramel.  The dusting of cocoa powder atop the tart made Stamps cough and recall a similar childhood experience while attempting to eat Nesquick powder from the canister. New Year's Resolution #3 - The diet starts Monday!

(Squash and Kale Salad)

(Mushroom Risotto Croquettes)

So au revoir 2010, you were a good year in so many ways, filled with some not-so-great, but WAY more great memories.  This year there are a lot of changes on the horizon and I'm excited.  I'm starting a new job which marks the end of my 50% travel schedule, forcing me to experience life in a far different way than the 3 weeks at a time travel/work schedule I have maintained for the last 4.5 years.  While I will miss the travel, I am very much looking forward to just being "still" and when I do travel, my time will finally be my own.  In addition to my previously mentioned resolutions, my hope for the coming year is to devote more time to my wonderful family and friends, as well as more time to rediscovering who I am when not constantly immersed in the distraction of being in another country.  I also hope that 2011 brings all the great things that my family and friends deserve - happiness, health and all that good stuff.

Happy New Year everyone!!!