New Jersey, You Shady Bastard...

To avoid the tolls of the New Jersey Turnpike, my coworker who so nicely schleps my butt to and from work everyday until I move to Jersey City and get a car of my own, often take the Pulaski Skyway to U.S. Route 1.  Miraculously, after 55 minutes of crashing through potholes, inhaling the sweet exhaust and being flipped off by truck drivers along this unending road, we land up at the office (i.e. the middle of nowhere).  While this route is a bit longer than the turnpike, the sightseeing is priceless!  Located up and down Route 1 are where some of the real jewels of the state really shine, though that may just be the glare of a motel "mirror room" reflecting through the barred windows and off the worn asphalt.  From shady motels boasting in-room jacuzzis and free HBO, adult toy stores with all windows obscured, bail bonds companies aplenty to the sprawling discount liquor marts - all of your most distasteful, lascivious, and possibly illegal desires can be fulfilled!

(this business, while not on Route 1 has various music and Latin dance lessons and "WE DO TAXES")

The first business to really catch my attention (other than a sad bridal shop beside a bail bonds agency) was The Benedict Motel (see website here) in Linden, NJ with its sign advertising "destination rooms".  I was intrigued since it didn't look quite as shady as some of the other cheap looking, prostitution-worthy motels, and visited the website.  I confirmed my suspicions that this was one of those adult themed motels with heart-shaped hot tubs, magic fingers vibrating beds and hourly room rates ($40 for the day in case you're interested).  There are also free in-room movies with two free adult channels, since it's not a real party unless free porn is involved!  It really is the perfect spot for an extramarital affair, an afternoon rendezvous with a working girl or a Craigslist "casual encounters" hookup.  Honeymoon suites are available for anyone wishing to celebrate the start of their blessed union in....Linden, NJ.  AND there is a Burger King conveniently located next door in case you want to take your honey out for some flame broiled goodness after your romp in a Tikki themed room.  I decided to do a Google search and discovered that the Benedict is not alone!!  In the area, the Loop Inn Motel in Avenel, NJ can also be found - equally as tacky (experience the romance here).  If you're REALLY willing to risk bedbugs and certain STD transmission upon contact with the sheets (though I'm pretty sure this applies to the other two as well) you can try the Garden State Motor Lodge - the horrific website can be found here.  Looks like an episode of Cheaters waiting to happen doesn't it?  Of course the super dirty, $25 and under places do not have websites, so I encourage all to take a meander up Route 1 and see it all for yourselves.  Ah the charms of the dirty Jerz!