New Jersey, You Shady Bastard...

To avoid the tolls of the New Jersey Turnpike, my coworker who so nicely schleps my butt to and from work everyday until I move to Jersey City and get a car of my own, often take the Pulaski Skyway to U.S. Route 1.  Miraculously, after 55 minutes of crashing through potholes, inhaling the sweet exhaust and being flipped off by truck drivers along this unending road, we land up at the office (i.e. the middle of nowhere).  While this route is a bit longer than the turnpike, the sightseeing is priceless!  Located up and down Route 1 are where some of the real jewels of the state really shine, though that may just be the glare of a motel "mirror room" reflecting through the barred windows and off the worn asphalt.  From shady motels boasting in-room jacuzzis and free HBO, adult toy stores with all windows obscured, bail bonds companies aplenty to the sprawling discount liquor marts - all of your most distasteful, lascivious, and possibly illegal desires can be fulfilled!

(this business, while not on Route 1 has various music and Latin dance lessons and "WE DO TAXES")

The first business to really catch my attention (other than a sad bridal shop beside a bail bonds agency) was The Benedict Motel (see website here) in Linden, NJ with its sign advertising "destination rooms".  I was intrigued since it didn't look quite as shady as some of the other cheap looking, prostitution-worthy motels, and visited the website.  I confirmed my suspicions that this was one of those adult themed motels with heart-shaped hot tubs, magic fingers vibrating beds and hourly room rates ($40 for the day in case you're interested).  There are also free in-room movies with two free adult channels, since it's not a real party unless free porn is involved!  It really is the perfect spot for an extramarital affair, an afternoon rendezvous with a working girl or a Craigslist "casual encounters" hookup.  Honeymoon suites are available for anyone wishing to celebrate the start of their blessed union in....Linden, NJ.  AND there is a Burger King conveniently located next door in case you want to take your honey out for some flame broiled goodness after your romp in a Tikki themed room.  I decided to do a Google search and discovered that the Benedict is not alone!!  In the area, the Loop Inn Motel in Avenel, NJ can also be found - equally as tacky (experience the romance here).  If you're REALLY willing to risk bedbugs and certain STD transmission upon contact with the sheets (though I'm pretty sure this applies to the other two as well) you can try the Garden State Motor Lodge - the horrific website can be found here.  Looks like an episode of Cheaters waiting to happen doesn't it?  Of course the super dirty, $25 and under places do not have websites, so I encourage all to take a meander up Route 1 and see it all for yourselves.  Ah the charms of the dirty Jerz!

Pizza Pizza

Last week my favorite pizzeria back home in Toronto, Pizza Gigi, was shutdown when police raided the place and discovered $1 million worth of marijuana, half an ounce of crack cocaine, Oxycocet and OxyContin inside.  I will miss their delicious pizza Margherita with fresh basil that was always delivered so promptly to my door - though if the Gigi staff were all amped up on amphetamines this would explain their lightning fast delivery times.  I thought Gigi was the ONE, however when I moved to NYC I realized there are a lot of other great pizzas out there!  While I was home last weekend, I met up with my friend and fellow pizza addict Grouch (as in Oscar the Grouch).  He's a former coworker so unconcerned with the feelings of other people that he has no problem brashly telling them EXACTLY what's on his mind.  For instance when I told him about this blog his reaction was "You have way too much time on your hands. I can't believe you blog about useless sh** about your life AND have time to do it."  Nice.  While I can't rely on Grouch for kind words, politeness or sometimes common decency, I CAN rely on him for excellent pizza restaurant recommendations - and I was ready to again explore the pizzas that Toronto has to offer.  Grouch and Mrs. Grouch (yes this saint of a woman actually married him) brought me to their go-to pizza place near their home in Vaughan located in an industrial park and bizarrely named Ice Cream Patio.

(wood-oven deliciousness!)

I didn't even need to look at the menu to know what I wanted as I always judge a pizza place on the pizza Margherita.  A great pizza does not need to hide under a pile of toppings - a well seasoned, tomato-y sauce, gooey mozzarella and yummy crust should speak for itself.  My pizza was placed in front of me by my overly spray tanned, Paul Bunyan proportioned waiter and it looked and smelled delicious - and it tasted even better!  While I enjoyed this pizza, I couldn't commit - too hard to do long distance.  Grouch informed me that he would be in Wilmington, Delaware for work this week and wanted to drive down to NYC to continue our pizza fest.  So Tuesday night, Grouch got into his rental car and drove the two hours into the city to join me at Mario Batali's Otto Enoteca, a place I've been wanting to try for a while.  We were seated and Grouch hilariously and loudly grouched about work ("boring"), his lame coworkers ("I don't care about your kids") and his trips to Wilmington's finest dining and drinking establishments ("ghetto").  But as soon as our pizzas arrived and he started eating, he calmed down like a baby with a pacifier.  The obnoxious comments were put on hold while he chewed and chomped away.  I strayed slightly from my Margherita and got the Romana that had anchovies, capers and chill peppers.  It was good, though not as good as my current NYC love - Motorino (a reliable, classic pie).

(yes I like anchovies!)

Grouch dropped me off at my place and headed back to Wilmington.  Later that night I was perusing Gawker and discovered an article (find it here) about an 82 year old woman who had ordered a pepperoni pizza and two diet cokes from Domino's every day for the last three years when suddenly the store noticed she hadn't ordered in three days.  Her regular delivery woman went by to check on her and called 911 when the door went unanswered, saving the elderly woman who had fallen and was unable to call for help.  Pizza, her faithful companion of three years, had saved her life.  I was overjoyed at this happy pizza news after the drug den pizza palace bust of last week.  If me, Stamps and Giggles do not manage to form the new Golden Girls, I could definitely see myself eating a pizza daily as a little old lady.  And since Domino's just won't do, I will continue sampling pizzas until I find - MY one.