One Week To Go...

Well it's been exactly two weeks since I was sexually harassed by an airport worker at Newark International on my way to the lovely Guayaquil, Ecuador.  My travel companions - Mini-Mami, my baby-faced, apple-cheeked, sweet as pie colleague who had come over from the office in Mexico City 10 months ago.  GQ - the impeccably groomed, caffeine guzzling, NJ renaissance man with a penchant for adventure sports and fine dining.  And Skips who joined in week two - see previous posts.  I have decided to summarize the last two weeks into the good, the bad and the ugly so here goes...

The Good:

(dessert at Sur)

• Food - The food situation has improved by leaps and bounds since I was last in Ecuador in late-2008, where I was stricken by some kind of hellish stomach virus, despite a limited diet of hotel food and T.G.I. Friday's.  It appears that Ecuador's most populous city has decided to try and increase it's appeal to tourists, including the introduction of a number of new restaurants.  Highlights include Blu for creative mediterranean inspired dishes, Signori for traditional Italian, Camaroes for shrimp (shrimp in curry sauce yummm), and Tantra and Asia de Cuba for passable sushi/rolls and Asian fusion in a fun, lounge-y space.  In Quito -  Zazu offers sophisticated modern cuisine and atmosphere for a fraction of the price in NYC and Sur is a great steakhouse (though I had sea bass) with an extensive selection of wines.  I was hoping that the food would suck so I could stand a chance of NOT pigging out for once while away - but nope, it's been the usual nightly feed. 
• Galapagos - This is supposed to be the best part of Ecuador, but I have yet to be able to go since the flights to and from are completely inconvenient for a weekend trip.  Instead, Quito for the first weekend and well...see the "ugly" for the second weekend.
• Iguanas - After lunch, the team likes to get outside and walk around the plant for what is known as the iguana walk, a habit established on my previous trip.  The goal?  To spot as many iguanas as possible during the walk, which is generally pretty easy since they're everywhere!  Tips?  Iguanas like the sun, so there will be more out and about on sunny days basking in the warmth.  They also have their preferred spots - there's the fence sitting iguanas, the wall sitters, the guardian of the pipe rack and those that prefer to lurk in the parking lot.  We wave hello to the iguanas, take pictures and watch them chillin' - while our Ecuadorian colleagues look at us like we're completely nuts.

(wine cellar at Zazu)

The Bad:

(the zoo at the supermarket)

• Food - The cafeteria at work is abysmal, which is surprising as lunch is typically the largest meal consumed in the day due to the current economic conditions.  On the first day, me and my coworkers decided to give it a try.  Me and mini ended up bypassing most of the options for a pile of rice while GQ tried the chicken and was given a very meager serving, more suited to nourishing the slight Ecuadorian frame than to his much taller, larger and fitter physique.  When he asked for another serving and *gasp* a chicken breast, his request was met with a decidedly sour look from the cafeteria worker as if he had requested she turn over her first born.  We attempted to order lunch from the hotel for just over a week, but the food was always a cold, soggy mess by lunch and GQ's standard chicken sandwich he ordered from the menu each morning was always a different creation - sometimes with avocado, sometimes without, sometimes cheese, sometimes not.  We have since resorted to PB&J.
• Customer Service - It takes about 10 minutes to get coffee at breakfast every morning, 20 minutes to get the check at dinner and while you get service with a smile, often it's just sloppy and lazy.  A lot of this appears due to a serious lack of automation in a lot of establishments.  Even at the Sheraton, the front desk staff is clumsily shuffling papers around, sloppily writing down your SPG number on some scrap of paper and taking manual imprints of your credit card, leading to lineups and headaches for all parties involved.  Need your laundry or left something in your room?  Well it's probably somewhere, but they need to send out a freaking search party to locate it.  Checking out at the grocery store?  Be prepared to wait in line since the cashier is taking his sweet old time, hunting and pecking at the cash register with a facial expression as though he is staring into the human brain.
• Nightlife  - In Quito, we went to the "mejor, mejor" nightclub (according to our waiter at Zazu and the cab driver) called La Juliana.  Mini appeared to enjoy some of the live music, GQ was trying to pull his shirt collar away from his neck to keep it from rubbing against the wicked sunburn he had acquired during the day and I kept staring at a woman whose curves could put Kim Kardashian to shame and made me suddenly feel built like a 12 year old boy in comparison.   We left early on account of our altitude induced headaches, exacerbated by our post dinner bloating.  In Guayaquil, the "mejor" nightclubs ended up being oddly located in a strip mall among hardware stores and other random shops.  The parking lot was crawling with women in skin tight, brightly-colored frocks, hooker heels and piles of makeup and men in everything from silly looking white suits to t-shirts with matching ball caps (sadly the impact of  the "Jersey Shore" phenomenon is far reaching).   In addition, much of the crowd appeared VERY underage, looking like a bunch of high schoolers running around with braces and sparse facial hair.  To add insult to injury we could not even get in as we were not on the oh-so exclusive list.  In Guayaquil?  Seriously?  If being on that list meant being included with this bunch of degenerates then no thanks!  

(La Juliana)

The Ugly:

• Driving - Dios mio!  On our way to the nightclub in Quito, we witnessed the most blatant display of drunk driving any of us had ever seen.  Our cab was behind some clunker that was drifting back and forth between the right and left lanes at about 5 mph.  When we passed the car honking loudly at the maniac, we noticed the driver was inebriated to the point where he was slumped over the wheel on the verge of passing out completely.  But really this should not be shocking since there are seemingly no rules of the road or any formal licensing process!  Cars will slow down at green lights, then speed up and run right through red lights and make u-turns across four lanes of traffic.  Lanes and traffic lights are apparently mere guidelines, most cars look like they're on the verge of total collapse, making all trips an adventure.  Fasten your seatbelt...well, that is if you are lucky enough to be in a vehicle with seatbelts.
• Montanita - We had selected Montanita since it's close to Guayaquil, is known for it's beaches and surfing, it's popularity with backpackers and for being very inexpensive.  We also did our due diligence and checked with various people at the office who only laughed and warned us that there is a lot of partying, "las drogas" and alcohol - but we shrugged it off since many of them had been there and even taken their families!  However, when we arrived in Montanita, Skips looked around and said "Esta aqui?" to which our driver responded "Si" followed by a very appropriate  loud groan and "Oh lord" by Skips.  I sat with my mouth agape, Mini looked around wide-eyed, while GQ began plotting our escape.  We drove through the streets of this shanty town, dodging errant children running around and stray dogs lying on the street, probably having given up on life, hoping to be struck down by our vehicle (which, by the way, was the ONLY motor vehicle for miles).  "Party!" Skips exclaimed, "Who are we going to party with?  These kids!" We kept thinking that our resort would suddenly appear in the distance like some sort of magical oasis, but that just never happened.  While the hotel was by far the fanciest thing in Montanita, it was definitely not worth $100 a night for a weekend of bedbugs, dysentery and possibly winding up face down in a ditch with a heroin needle in your arm.  Since there was no credit card number provided when making our reservation, we bailed and returned to civilization. 
• Noise - After enduring an evening of screaming neighbors in the neighboring hotel room, being awoken by construction, countless car rides with radios blaring nonsense that sounds like some kind of auction in rapid Spanish and unending car alarms, GQ declared "This whole culture is based on noise!"  I understand his frustration as a moment of silence is hard to come by in this place.  Even poor little Mini's much needed sleep over the past weekend was interrupted by curious sounds in the night.  "I had some berry ack-teeve nigh-burs" she said to us the next morning.  Silence may be golden - but not in Ecuador. 

Adios for now!